Walking to the bus stop

When I was a kid, my sister and I walked over half a mile to the bus stop and home each day by ourselves. We also let ourselves into the house and played quietly until our parents got home a couple hours later. We lived on a culde-sac so there was no way the bus would pick us up at our door and with both parents working, catching a ride was out of the question. In our new home, we live nearly a mile from the elementary school. Now granted, this area doesn't believe in side walks and the route would take them along a very busy road, so I wasn't too surprised to find that Carver would be bused. However, what does surprise me is the expectation that a parent will walk him to the bus stop in the morning and be there waiting in the afternoon. Our bus stop is at the end of our block, literally two houses down. The first week of school meant waits of up to an hour as the bus driver figured out her route and had to stop and talk to each concerned, generally uninformed parent.

However last week, with the route sorted out and a general sense that I knew what to expect, I told Carver that he needed to walk himself home from the bus stop. I know of all the horrific stories of kidnappings, including the latest reappearance of the girl in California, but I also wonder how we will develop a sense of independence in a child if we constantly hold their hands. And yes, I have been reminded by two separate neighbors of the risk I'm taking. But isn't it a bigger risk that Carver will grow up fearful?

Trust

With both of us out of a job and unemployment coming to an end, I've started looking into ways to bring in money. I'm an educated, capable individual and have lots of talent to offer, so when I came across a request for an English tutor on craigslist, I applied. The ad was not very specific so I responded asking several questions about grade level, work being done, etc. I was surprised to get a response within a few hours from a man whose son would be visiting my area from Denmark and needed tutoring 3 times a week. He offered to pay $50/hour for the month that he would be here and asked me to pick a location that the child's nanny would take him to. The child would be arriving in 2 weeks and he would pay me in advance. He then asked me, if this was all agreeable, to send him the total fee and he would mail me a check that included my fee and the nanny's fee. It also asked for all of my contact info as well as gender, birthday, and marital status. Given that he really knew nothing about me, I thought this was fair, though I didn't send him my birthday. The email was in the very broken English of a nonnative speaker. Since he hadn't answered my questions, and I was genuinely concerned that I don't have the skill to tutor and ESL student, I responded asking more questions.

The next email I got explained that he was now sending me a money order for $2850 and would I please cash it and forward the remainder, minus and money order fees to the nanny at a certain address. It included a tracking number for an overnight UPS envelope. Apparently I was late getting this email as the package was on my doorstep already with a business check inside. I had no idea why he was sending the whole amount to me instead of two seperate checks, but I chalked it up to a cultural choice. Later that morning, I got a call from the man wanting to confirm that I got the check and trying to offer any answers that I needed. He spoke in a very heavy accent and not great English, so I will confess to being relieved when the call got disconnected. I didn't answer when he tried to call back.

He had made it clear that time was of the essence as his son was now due to arrive in a week and the nanny had to receive payment first. After the kids naps, I drove over to the bank to find out how long it would take for the check to clear as I had no intention of sending money on until it had. IT was the bank who informed me that this was probably a scam, the check, which looked totally real, watermarks and all, was probably counterfeit and they wanted to turn it over to their security office. The security officer called me the next day to confirm that it was a scam.

My faith in humanity is pretty shredded. Should I avoid doing business with anyone who seems different or is different from me? Is the internet an unsafe place? And despite the fact that I did all the right things to verify this and that no harm was done, I'm embarrassed to have trusted in the first place.

Carver's testing

Okay, long overdue: Carver's testing went great. In many ways better than we could have hoped. Mostly because he wasn't traumatized by it in any way. As a matter of fact, he has asked several times now when he gets to go do it again. His overall intellectual functioning skills were at the 97th percentile which is considered superior to very superior. I don't really know how this relates to IQ exactly because the test that he took is for 6-7 year olds, not 4 year olds and he maxed out several portions of it. The school psychologist took the attitude that the test was meant to determine if he was ready for more than standard kindergarten, not really how high he could read. It confirmed what I had always felt about how unusual Carver was and left me feeling that his gaps and shortcomings are easily repaired. They have suggested that we work with him between now and September on certain things like motor skills (holding a pencil, cutting with scissors, coloring in the lines). But I guess the most important thing is that the school strongly recommends that he skip Kindergarten and go directly to first grade. Kind of like playing monopoly. I walked out of the discussion feeling incredibly proud of him for doing so well, and them somewhat silly for being proud of who he is. All of the parenting books suggest rewarding kids for effort, but there is very little effort involved here. This is just who he is, and I guess I expected no less. I have reservations about skipping a grade, but I am convinced that here, at least, it is the best thing for him. I worry about future issues that will come up, but I'm trying to take it one year at a time.

And, I worry about Syarra with a Sept. birthday. At 2.3 years younger than Carver, she could end up being 4 grades behind. I don't want that for her. And I guess that sometimes I still worry that she doesn't get the attention and support that Carver always did. I have been following the story of the octuplets like watching a train wreck. I am so sad for all of their children. Not only because I believe their mother is mentally unstable, but I can imagine what the future holds for them and I know that every child deserves more.

Letter to Grandma Joni and Grandpa Morrey

Carver planned the attached drawing and wanted to mail it to his grandparents with the explanation below:



Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

I was thinking about you and wanted to send you my new project. The A and the purple E, they trusted each other, but A was the good guy and E was the bad guy. So the A and the E went out in the forest to have a picnic. But then, after a while, the A went home and he forgot to get the E. And the E is lost there, in the forest. And apparently, the top was magic. And then the E went in water and he cried about going in water. Why did he cry about going in water? And know who that was? It was the E. We never cry about it. Going in water. That's the A who said, "When he went in water, he didn't cry about water." He just kept cutting and cutting until the ground broke apart. The A and the E lost the E. And know where the E went? The E went in the hole, and the A was smart enough to stay out. And then the E apparently knew where the A went and the E climbed back out to see the A. And then when the A saw the E, the E fell back into the hole and got hurt. And the E, when he came back out, he was a good guy like the A. The bad guy turned into an A. That's the end.

Love,

Carver

recited by Carver, typed by Alrica

Today's meeting with the new principal couldn't have gone better. He was open to all sorts of ideas; subject acceleration, grade acceleration, morning kindergarten and afternoon first grade, etc. He is excited to meet Carver and gets that educating a child like this has to be a partnership. I feel confident that if we stay here, Seasons Elementary should work just fine for Carver. Regardless of how he tests next week, Carver will need some sort of alternative education just to make sure he isn't bored. Perhaps more importantly, I learned that everything taught in kindergarden, aside from fine motor skill practice, Carver has learned.

It's funny, I think that every mother wants their child to be the best and brightest that they can be, but I'm a bit overwhelmed by the possibility that he might need to skip a grade.

picking a kindergarten

It's hard to believe that Kindergarten is only 9 months away. I know, that seems like a lifetime to a 4.5 year old boy, but apparently the school system here seems to think it is just the right amount of time to prepare for a new year. So all of the schools around here require that kids register in mid to late January. Being the planner that I was, I started this process back in October. Wisconsin has an open enrollment policy that says parents can essentially enroll their kids in any school in the state that has space as long as the parents transport them. When you add in all of the private school options, we had literally hundreds of choices.

While Carver's Montessori preschool is going fine, I can't honestly justify spending another $4,000 for him to attend a second year. Besides that, we are considering putting Syarra there and I don't want them in the same classroom. The public montessori here starts in first grade and the gifted school doesn't start until 3rd grade. There are a variety of other public charter schools like the classical school, but they didn't seem to be the right fit. So in November, I check online to determine which school was our local school and called the principal.

When I talk to other people about Carver's abilities, I tend to downplay them so that I don't feel like I'm bragging. Especially with new parents, it is so easy to fall into the trap of comparing children. With Principal Smith, I worked hard to be really honest about Carver's strengths and weaknesses. I wanted his honesty and I wanted to have an advocate in the school. I got both. Mr. Smith was great, and quite a few meetings that included the gifted teacher and the phychologist later, I was feeling very confident that Oakland school was willing and able to accomodate Carver's abilities.

Then last week I got the bad news. Due to an error on the school district website, I had been talking to the wrong school. Even though Oakland is twice as close, our neighborhood is slated to go to Seasons. Each principal is pretty autonomous so all of the planning we had done was down the drain and with only days until kindergarten registration, I was starting over.

Seasons Elementary is sympathetic to my situation at least and is fast tracking everything for me. Yesterday, I had a long talk with the school psychologist and she is going to conduct testing for Carver next week. The testing will be a combination of IQ and abilities and while it won't decide anything, it will give us information that we don't have currently. I have also learned that Seasons policy is in favor of grade acceleration where Oakland was not.

Tomorrow, I am heading over to see the school and meet with the principal. While private school or even homeschool is back on the table, I hope that I can figure out a way for public school to really accommodate Carver's needs.

Best friends and Arch-enemies

Okay, so we put Carver into a preschool program, not to work on academics so much, though it is nice to have them fill in some gaps, but to help him socialize. Carver is just not socially motivated. As a parent, I know how important friends are, but he doesn't seem to. I guess that generally he hasn't found anyone that is worth the effort. Until now. In school this year, he met a girl named Juli who is about 6 months younger than him. The important thing is that she apparently thinks Carver is very funny. Many of the kids get confused when Carver starts talking about his numbers or whatever, but Juli "laughs and laughs." Carver is very excited about this. He refers to Juli as his best friend.

He has also developed an arch-enemy: George. George is not always very nice to Carver and sometimes hits him when the teachers aren't looking. Then Carver gets in trouble for not playing nicely. I have explained to Carver that, while I expect him to be friendly with all the kids, he does not need to be friends with all of them. Here is the problem though. On our way home from school yesterday, he explained to me in a sad voice that he is no longer friends with Juli. Apparently, George has decided to be friends with her and Carver refuses to "put in the effort" to be her friend if she will be friends with George. He sounded so broken-hearted.

I had no idea that this started so early and I'm not prepared. How do I make it easy for him? How do I guide him when making friends didn't come easy to me as a child and I still have to put a lot of effort into it even as an adult? I'm glad that school was canceled today so that we can have a weekend to rethink things.